You know I will wait for you
by omschen
Summary: When your best friend starts a relationship with someone else you start to be lonely... P/ C
1. -1-

Beverly Crusher felt the turbolift slowing down. She took a breath and braced herself for whoever person was about to enter the lift. Silently hoping it would not be him, she moved one step back when the door started to open. She put on her command line smile, but when she saw that it was him indeed who was about to enter, her lips froze in a thin line.

She noticed that he actually, for a glimpse of a moment, hesitated entering the lift. His hesitation made the knot in the rope that had placed itself around her heart ever since he had started the relationship with Nella Darren even tighter.

He took some strong steps inside the lift, nodding his hello and greeting her

"Doctor!"

He came to stand next to her facing the door like she did.

She had also nodded and it took all her strength left to say his title.

"Captain"

When the doors closed he didn't order any direction, so the lift presumed the direction it had went earlier.

'We are up for quite a ride', Beverly thought to herself, knowing how far they were from sick bay. Had he commanded the lift to go to the bridge, she would be alone again in no time again, but like that she was stuck with him.

Awkward silence started to fill the space in between them and she felt every bit of her tense with every second they were traveling together. She hoped the lift would stop and somebody, anybody would join them. But the lift was pitilessly moving on.

Normally they would have entered the lift together still chatting and he would indeed, like this morning, accompany her on the lift to sickbay before presuming his journey to the bridge. Normally they would be easy, laughing about something funny incident, or they would seriously discussing some ethics. Normally they would face each other and not be standing glued to that point staring at the hull of the lift. But not so since he had started the relationship with Nella Darren three weeks ago and most certainly not since Nella had left one week ago.

She started to search her soul. She hated to admit it, but she tried to be honest to herself and what she saw she didn't like.

Point one: she indeed was jealous. She was jealous, he spent so much time with this woman and that he obviously shared a level of intimacy with her, that he had not shared with herself.

Point two: she was hurt. Hurt that he had perused a relationship. All of a sudden she remembered Odan and that one day she went into his ready room and he hugged her tightly to him. There was this expression in his eyes. She had thought it to be pity, but all of a sudden she realized, that he must have been hurt just as much as she was hurt now.

Point three: she was happy, that Nella was gone. She hated herself for that emotion but she honestly was feeling that way. This woman had taken him away from her and although, she had never claimed him as hers she could never have anybody have him and take him away from her. She knew that this was utterly unfair and childish, but right now she couldn't care less about getting herself straight again. She was hurting too much and needed time.

She felt the lift slow down and started to prepare herself for leaving. She closed her eyes taking a deep breath trying to set her brain into command mode to not show any weakness, when she was about to exit the lift. She allowed herself a side glimpse on Picard. He stood motionless, but she could see that he was tense himself. She doubted Nella had ever noticed, how he was clenching his fist behind his back, when he felt uncomfortable or tense. She doubted anybody knew!

All of a sudden she saw his lips parting.

"Halt lift."

Beverly slowly closed her eyes and when she opened them again, she felt his hand on her upper arm. He had turned to look her in the eye. She felt the rope pulling on her heart again. She didn't want to face him. Not now. Maybe never. His touch burned. His eyes left hers to look at his hands. Suddenly he noticed the intimacy of his action and almost hastily removed his hand. He was about to excuse his action, but instead looked into her eyes again. He noticed that she was feeling uncomfortable.

"Beverly",

He stretched her name and she felt warmth creeping into her heart at the tenderness his voice had, when he used her name the way he did sometimes. There were times, when the sound of his voice uttering her name sent shivers down her spine, but right now it simply added to the tightness she felt in her stomach.

He hesitated searching the right words. He had been pondering about what to say during the whole ride and when he had felt the lift slow down he had started to panic. He needed to talk to her. He needed to have her back. This was the first time they were alone in a room for weeks.

He had missed her even when he was with Nella. Not much in the beginning, but she had grown to be a part of him and he had missed her. What he shared with her was so different from what he had shared with Nella. They had shared a whole lifetime, he and Beverly, and this lifetime stood in their way. He never quite noticed it as strong as he did now. But now, standing in the lift next to her not saying anything, not sharing a laugh or conversation made him missing her even more. Indeed he missed her desperately.

"Will you have diner with me tonight. 1900 h, my quarters?"

He finally pronounced hoping his voice was straight. Not too straight though. Not ... Oh hell! This was difficult!

Beverly bit her lip trying to find an excuse. She lowered her eyes staring at the tips of his boots. She lightly shook her head.

"I don't think so", she whispered almost not audible. Why did she all of a sudden feel guilt washing all over her?

She saw his hand moving forward to touch her again.

"Beverly?"

The sound of his voice, his touch burning like fire made her look up again. His hand still burned its mark into her arm.

She nodded.

"I will see, what I can do."

Picard smiled. The first real smile he shared with her for weeks. She felt him relax. Did he notice that his hand was in fact caressing her arm?

"Thank you Beverly!"

Why did her agreement to share diner with him feel like she had given him her absolution? Why did he feel guilty? Why this thought that he needed her absolution? They were nothing more than friends. And yet. He pushed away that thought and his longings.

"Resume lift!"

He ordered. When they reached sickbay, he took a step back to let her exit.

"Until later then Doctor",

he wished her his goodbye.

She didn't turn around but nodded.

-,-,-

Jean Luc Picard was known to be a calm man. He was known to be a rational man, who managed to keep a rational view on thing. People that didn't know him better would have maybe called him cold hearted or claimed that he lacked passion. In fact he was a passionate man, but had learned to keep himself under control.

Right now however he was anything but rational and relaxed. He stood looking at the dining table. Most of the times when Beverly came over to have diner with him they set the table together. Sometimes he would have chosen the first course and had placed bread and water on the table but today he had decided, that he had wanted to go the extra step and set the table. He wanted to show her how much he had been looking forward to having her over for diner.

But in a way nothing looked right. Nothing felt right. The flowers he had put in the middle didn't fit. It seemed to be too much. It wasn't anybody's birthday or other special occasion so he had taken them off of the table and placed them on the sofa table. But that didn't work out quite right either, so they landed behind the sofa inside the window.

On the now empty place on the sofa he had placed three long white candles, that did very well but after some thinking he decided, that the setting was way to romantic. He didn't mind spending one or even more romantic evenings with Beverly, but his aim for tonight was getting her friendship back and he wasn't quite sure how she would react to a romantic setting. So he replaced the long candles by low candles in glasses. He took a look at the clock. 1910 h. She would not come. Did she not even mind to call him. He went to his terminal to check the messages and was about to remove the candles when he heard the door.

Beverly walked in slowly, eyes wandering from the table to Jean Luc.

'Oh my god! He is out of uniform and looking great.'

"I am sorry, I am late."

She tried to smile. She could tell, that he really made an effort for her to be here and feel well. He had changed into civilian clothes and set the table. She noticed the flowers in the window and all of a sudden she panicked. She felt completely misplaced still wearing her uniform and her hair had not seen a brush since she left the bathroom in the morning. And she knew she looked tired and worn out. She should have taken the time to fresh up a little.

All of a sudden she panicked. She could not name a reason but her hands started to sweat and she felt her stomach ache.

"I think I should be going",

She uttered, her voice low she slowly turned around to head for the door.

Picard jumped forward to grab her hand.

"No!"

He almost shouted. He took a quick breath to calm himself.

"Beverly. You have done this before. It is just diner."

He turned her around to him and placed his other hand on her arm. She still looked down.

"I am sorry Jean Luc. I ",

She hesitated.

"I don't know what is wrong with me."

She looked up and he noticed, that she is fighting back tears.

"What is it Beverly?"

She shook her head.

"We are friends, aren't we."

She nodded.

He smiled.

"Good. Because I could never loose you Beverly."

When he noted her relax, he dropped his hands.

"I could never loose you Jean Luc."

She stood still for a moment and all of a sudden her mouth moved on its own account.

"I love you Jean Luc."

She whispered. She didn't know, why she uttered that words. She didn't know, how they made their way into her mouth. She didn't know, why they left her lips but she knew, it was true.

She loved him with all her heart and soul. She had loved him since she had met him all those years ago. She had never really thought, she loved him until she had almost lost him to Nella.

It didn't occur to her, that she loved him. They had been good friends. There were times they were very close and then again they had not met or spoken to each other for years. The revelation came as a shock to her. This whole situation had duped her, otherwise she would have never said the words.

Jean Luc stared at her revelation. He didn't know what to say nor do. He too was shocked. He however wanted to take her into his arms, kiss her and never let her go again. But his mind told him that this would be wrong now. He never thought it possible, that she would love him. Could love him. He had dreamed, that she would love him, but although her statement was a dream come true, he knew that this was not the time to kiss her.

Looking into her eyes he found love but even more evident was her fear and her utter astonishment at the revelation, she had just mouthed. He knew, he needed to say something, but he was lost for words. He raised his hand to brush a strain out of her face and caressed her face. She looked at him, still scared. He leaned into her, brushed his lips lightly over hers and then hugged her whispering.

"I also love you Beverly."

They stood hugging. Enjoying the other ones warmth. Beverly felt herself calming down. After some long minutes she was herself again and started to feel awkward. She carefully moved out of his embrace and looked at him.

She shook her head lightly.

"I am sorry for the mess I am causing. Do you want me to leave?"

Picard shook his head. He took her hand and lead her to the sofa.

"Come sit and talk with me. Do you want some tea?"

Beverly nodded.

"Thank you."

Picard went to the replicator to order some tea and then sat down beside her. They sat nipping their tea. Awkward silence claimed it's place between them. What was there to say now? What was there to do? They had intended to renew their friendship but instead they had declared their love for each other.

Beverly felt awful. Her mind replayed her words again and again. Why couldn't she have kept those words inside her? She hadn't even know that she loved him. Well, she had loved him as a friend, she had loved to tease him. She had loved to listen to him. She had loved to spend time with him. She had loved to share her meals with him. She had loved to.. all those things, but it had never occurred to her, that she indeed had loved him all the time. How could she have been so blind and not seen her own feelings?

And he-he loved her. She probably knew all the time, but hadn't realized either.

Was it wrong to love him? No, but it was wrong to have told him.

Picard sat next to her trying to find out, what to do. With Nella it was so easy. He had just kissed her and she had kissed him back. But with Beverly nothing was easy. They knew each other far too long to just kiss and kiss back and everything's fine. And his heart had just been broken by a relationship that just didn't work out on this ship. Wouldn't it be just the same with Beverly? Even though he knew the dangers, he still would make the same mistakes.

As if they had gotten a silent command, they both turned to look at each other.

"I am sorry..."

"Beverly..."

They both started to talk simultaneously.

Picard stoped and motioned her to continue.

"Jean Luc."

She reached over and took his hand.

"I am sorry I caused such a mess. I didn't know what was wrong with me. I had been so scared I would lose you that my mind was running around in circles and all of a sudden I realized that I indeed are in love with you and have been for a very long time. And then the words just bubbled out of my heart and mouth. I should have never said them. At least not now."

Picard shook his head.

"Oh Beverly. I don't mind where and when to hear those words from you because hearing you speaking these words to me made me the happiest man in the world. Because I never thought it possible that you would see more in me than a friend."

Beverly smiled.

"I have always cherished our friendship and hope that this is something we will never lose."

Picard nodded. They still looked at each other, hands still joined.

"But we will need to talk about the other thing that happened",

Picard said hesitantly.

Beverly nodded.

"I love you but I don't think that at this point a intimate relationship is good for us."

She tried to read his mind.

He nodded.

"I fear you are right. My time with Nella showed my how difficult it is to share a healthy relationship on this ship and if I have the chance to be with you I don't want to waste it. I love you too much to stand a chance losing you."

She took some deep breaths.

"Then we are still friends?"

Picard nodded.

"Friends!"

Picard saw a tear falling from her eye and catched it with his finger.

"Is that not what you want?"

Beverly bit her lip.

Then she nodded.

"It is. But still I feel so incredibly sad that.."

her voice trailed off. She couldn't find the right words.

"I know."

Picard continued.

"I feel the same sadness."

He opened his arms to invite her in. She thankfully snuggled into his arms enjoying to feel the safety of his strong arms around her. She closed her eyes and inhaled his masculine scent. She loved how he buried his face in her hair and breathed onto her head.

"So where does that leave us?"

She asked after a while.

"Friends. Best friends!"

He softly answered.

"Allies against all odds."

She added. He smiled.

"Yes. The only person I fully trust with all my heart."

He added.

"My companion."

He moved back to look her in the eyes.

"You know I will wait for you. For you and the right moment."

He said, his voice very serious.

She leaned her forehead against his, their noses brushed against each other.

"And I will be there waiting for you."

He closed his eyes and brushed his lips over hers one more time. She smiled and leaned into the kiss. When they broke the kiss, they both moved back to bring the necessary distance between them.

"Are we ok with each other again?"

He asked to once more confirm their agreement.

She nodded.

"Yes my friend."

He smiled.

Beverly started to stretch herself.

"But now lets get something to eat. I am starving."

Picard laughed out loud.

"Somethings never change?"

He said. She got up and lightly slapped his shoulder.

"Get up and I will tell you all about the lates gossip."

Picard took her outstretched hand and let himself bern drawn into a standing position.

"Definitely! I had been wondering about Lieutenant Brown from security lately, is he still seeing..."

The End


	2. -2-

**_Author's Note:_**

**_I had never intended to write a sequel to this one, but I am hopelessly romantic!_**

**_So here we go:_**

She walked up the long, dusty path lined with oak trees, several hundred years old. She wore a light blue sundress, the long flowing skirt swayed around her ankles. Her hair was flowing freely over her shoulders. She stopped a moment to look into the sun and take a deep breath. She was smiling. She felt wonderful. She could not remember the last time she was so happy and content. She shifted her bag from her right shoulder to her left shoulder and continued walking.

She stopped in front of the house and placed her bag on the step next to her feet. She combed her hair with her hand and knocked. She felt her stomach tighten, while she was waiting for the door to be opened. She took half a step back, when she heard steps inside the house. The door handle moved down and she took a deep breath.

The door was opened slowly and all doubts and fears disappeared, when she looked into those hazel eyes. He smiled.

"Beverly!"

He said astonished. He took one more step towards her so now they almost stood nose to nose.

She smiled.

"Are you still waiting?"

She whispered.

He swallowed the lump in his throat, then nodded.

Her smile grew even wider. She slowly leaned into him and started to brush her lips over his. He deepened the kiss and wrapped his hands around her waist. When they broke their kiss they leaned their foreheads against each other.

"Good",

She whispered and kissed him once more. She moved a little back and raised her eyebrow at him.

"But I think we both have waited long enough. I love you."

He nodded.

"I love you Beverly."

He bend down and grabbed her bag. His other hand took hers.

"Come."

He led her into the house. When Beverly moved through the door she reached for the handle to close the door behind them.

— The final End ;) —


End file.
